From: Andrew Lee Newsgroups: alt.comp.virus Subject: [WAY OT and Long] a.c.v. Family tree {Part 1} Date: Tue, 12 Nov 2002 14:06:25 +0000 (UTC) Ok, if I get any of this wrong, feel free to correct, this is the family tree as I understand it, and as things stand at the moment. (And if you get offended by satire, please don't read any further) In the beginning was the myth, and the myth was a.c.v, and creating the myth was god, and his name was Nick FitzGerald, and his son was Rob Rosenberger. And god did sieze a.c.v. from the clutches of the evil ones and thus a new day dawned. The evil ones, being evil, didn't much like this and they did send in their minions of hell, and lo, the vX did walk the hallowed pages of a.c.v. Through several ages of change did a.c.v. survive, and the hallowed names Burrell, Solomon and Bontchev did echo in its halls. Long gone are they, and only in the memory live on, and thus did a.c.v and it's bastard son a.c.a-v fall screaming into the present day. This is the story of that descent. And lo, the time came when the fanatical vX did say unto themselves, "look what unspeakable niceness hath befallen our beloved a.c.v". The profane places are all made sacred, and there's altogether too much helpfulness going on. And, thus did PaX and Sheeva beget Raid, Gigabyte, 4Q and Spanska, and lo they did wreak much sarcasm and bile upon the helpless newbies. About that time, "He whose name may not be spoken" walked the earth, and his utilities did strike despair into the hearts of AVers everywhere, knowing that he was doomed to be banished forever unto the void, he did reproduce (asexually), and so was born the Sooge. Sooge did come singing unto a.c.v. and his song was incomprehensible to all but the Millenium Slug. The history of the Millenium Slug shall we hear in greater detail at a later time. The song of Sooge became a whine in the ears of many, and lo, they were distressed at the ungainliness and repetitiveness of it all, for once it was begun, it was sung and begun again "ad infanitam" (http://tinyurl.com/2mi3). It began "Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me, I don't rip code, and I'm not vX, you'll nevr spill chieck me". And, it came to pass that Sooge did enter into an argument with god, who being a benevolent chap did think to try and improve things for the rest of us, and did win away from him Sooge's entire network of PC's. (http://tinyurl.com/2mi8). And Sooge did go off in a huff, and in his lego lab did genetically engineer a virus that would destroy all of mankind's hardware, but instead, mistaking the genetic residue of Wee Jimmy Krankie for a block of lego, created only Blooven, a dark blot upon the history of a.c.v, and about whom no more should be said. This though, was by no means the only saga in town. We have briefly mentioned the Millenium Slug, and here we shall expound his sorry tail (sic). Many are they who have slipped on his slimy trail, and many more who have been amazed, confused, and downright annoyed by the strangeness of this mollusc. His history is at best murky, as is that of all who are born of madness under the dark shadow of a closing century. He sought to be a betrayer of worlds, but suceeded only in pissing everyone off by speaking only in riddles and strange mnemonics, the meanings (if indeed there were meanings) of which were known to none, and indeed, none wished to know. In some cruel, strange twist of fate, the Millenium Slug managed to survive the apocalyptic days of Y2K and, his raison d'être gone (indeed, his raison gone), he wormed his way further and further up his own ass, until like the Ouroboros he consumed himself and disappeared into a blog. A blog fiendishly devised by the bastard child of Rod Fewster and Heather Figueroa, one gladius, later to be known severally as andi, Andrew, AJL, AJ and Zen, in-fact, the useless twat had almost as many nyms as his arch enemy the Millenium Slug. Unknown was it until this time, that, in a secret love affair, did Heather and Bartman begat a love child, and thus it came to pass that a.c.v. did gain it's most famous troll, Laura. Realising the devastation they had unleashed upon the group, Bart swore never again to allow the seed of his loin to pass from his body. Subsequently, he became a monk, seeking enlightenment and the correct way to spell every known word in the univers, and he was tended by his sister Nicky (and several sheep, who did follow him and bleat about spelling and grammar at every opportunity). Then god looked down, and saw his creation, and did say "You all f**ked up pretty good", and the peacemakers were born, and these angels of calm and mercy did come unto a.c.v. and their names were Nina, Wessel and Clay, and they did mightily assuage the wounds inflicted by the ascerbic wit of Laura and anyone else who did get a bit snippy from time to time. Thus endeth the first part of the recent history of a.c.v. Soon to follow, how Rod did mightily slay Sooge in song, and how SCH.nappers did not quite so mightily piss everyone off (especially the spelling sheep) by refusing to use a keyboard in any sort of conventional manner. We shall also discover the talented circus performers who hide under the guise of a.c.v. regulars, and chart the peculiar parentage of the Trackers. -AJ P.S. Bear in mind that this is supposed to be humour. It's not meant to particularly dig at anyone, except perhaps Dor... oops, I nearly uttered the unmentionable name.